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For Jay Park of 2PM
current mood: discontent
current song: A Boy- G-Dragon
A/N: So this is a very random piece that popped into my head late on night when I was thinking about everything. In terms of puncuation and general literacy its rather....random, but i like it like this, i like how it reads...but yeh, sorry if this annoys anyone on the format of it.
So this is basically something i started writing about being the life of a celebrity but then my mind took over and it progresses into something clearly aimed at the whole Park Jaebeom scandal....either way the whole subjects on christmas and faith/hope etc are all my own feelings that i incorporated. in no way am i specifying that this is the case for JAY.
Anywyas, Read on and drop a comment, that would be <3.
Park JaeBeom FIGHTING!!!
p.s no hate comments pls on this subject...unless you just hate my writing in general then feel free to criticize -_- XD
xxxxx
Gleaming Eyes
So the music breaks, bangs and cracks. Thousands of eyes gleaming with awe, flashing quickly then fading into darkness.
You live this life in the spotlight, but its starting to burn.
Sometimes you just want a break from the clapping.
The cheers.
The hard work.
The solitude.
The loneliness.
All of it.
It is not possible though, to wake up and have everything disappear like you sometimes wish.
You love the friendships and your members but hate the confinement.
Flip flopping back and forth like a fish out of water.
What does the day hold, is it time to be ecstatic and pumped up. Or will you feel nothing but the mind numbing exhaustion and constant questions.
Nothing left but memories, of a time when music was your obsession.
Now it is still your obsession, all your mind thinks about, but that isn’t the point is it?
The point is that it is now the obsession of your ever changing thoughts. It is no longer the centre of your hopes and dreams.
All you know is that it is the eyes filled with awe and amazement that keep you strong.
And you wake up again, is anyone going to save you today. Will it all just disappear because you have simply just ‘had enough.’
It is no different for you …you think…than it is for someone looking for a break from the 9 to 5 job in the office…shop…building site. Thinking of this pulls the ‘real’ world further and further away.
Inch by inch it feels like a repelling magnet, and all you want to do today is reverse the poles.
You wish they could see this…those thousands of eyes, black smudged faces, blurs of voices and dark silhouettes.
That is all they are to you, yet to them you are the hero. The knight in shining armour gleaming brightly in the dullest of times.
And you think, maybe it is true, you can shine bright, make a difference and be a hero…but then you take a look in the print, web, moving image and music and realise that it is still all just the same.
A vicious circle day after day. You think of family, Christmas, songs, warm fire, presents, talking and mindless television playing films about miracles and festivities. Truth be told, when you had that chance, you never liked it.
You would complain about having to eat the food you didn’t like.
Having to spend the money you didn’t have.
Having to stay for a whole day with the family just talking about things you never cared about…up until today. Isn’t it ironic that you miss most what you once hated.
Which brings you back to your thought, if this was gone in an instant, would you miss it??
But you don’t think about it too much because you know that it is impossible to wake up one day and for it all to be gone.
Or so you thought…
Now your looking back on those days,
One small mistake and BAM.
Is the world full of lies, is there no forgiveness? You were told that god would forgive you. If that is true then why cannot people do the same.
Contracts, Cameras, Gleaming eyes, smudged faces, blurred voices and silhouettes. They have never been clearer to you until today.
The day you were forced out. To go back to the old life you craved for so much…is this a good thing? Did someone hear your calls of freedom?
No…because you know it is not the same. There is no raw passion in music, no dreams, no hopes…it is all over. You won’t admit it out loud. You will stay strong and smiling at the church and around family. But you know deep down that it is over.
You can finally see things from the opposite charge but you’re unsure, is this the negative or the positive end of the magnet? You think maybe there in lies the problem. You are at neither end, just stuck in the middle with no way out.
You finally escaped but it wasn’t willingly, it wasn’t temporary. The cameras still flash, the faces still blur and the knight in shining armour still exists.
But your not a hero, in your heart you feel guilt.
To the members
To Family
To Friends
and to the thousands. All the support from the silhouettes and gleaming eyes is never going to change that.
Because after everything that has happened, it is those angry stares, hurtful words and negative voices that always remain in your head.
And you finally realise that this time …
The eyes filled with awe and amazement that kept you strong, were overpowered by hatred guilt and pain from the opposite spectrum.
Dedicated to Jay Park. Leader of 2PM…always.
